Saturday, December 17, 2016

Two Front Teeth (A 25 Days of Shitmas Post!)

Two Front Teeth


Save for maybe “Bood Diner” & “Bloodsucking Pharaohs in Pittsburgh”, I have never seen a Horror Movie throw so much Shit against the wall and hope that something will stick than 2006’s “Two Front Teeth”! This movie has everything from a Vampire Santa Claus, an Army of Zombie Elves, and most surprising of all a pack of Nuns who know Kung-Fu! With that all that Madness going on, TFT somehow works and makes for a rather enjoyable Holiday Horror Flick!

I’m actually surprised that not many people seem to talk about this one once December hits! I myself only heard about it last year when I was trying to stockpile some offbeat Christmas movies for my ever growing  X-mas Collection! I found “Two Front Teeth” on DVD for a good price and decided that I had to make it one of my picks for the Sixth Annual Shitmas Event!



“Two Front Teeth” tells the tale of a Gabe Snow, a journalist who hates Christmas, yet works for a tabloid dubbed  “The Xmas Files” which deals exclusively in Weird Holiday Happenings! Despite his traumatic past with the Holidays, Gabe is quite good at his job, but his latest story about the mystery surrounding plane and Santa's possible involvement in it might get him more than just a lump of coal for Christmas this year!

Stuck at the office another night with his Boss Ed (my favorite of the flick),  Gabe calls home to his Wife "Noel", who is busy getting down with another man! When the two of them hear something stirring on the roof she send's her boy toy to go investigate! What they find is that their house is under attack by a pack of angry elves! Not just any elves you'll see!


Noel fights off her attacker but boyfriend isn't so lucky. When Gabe returns home he tries to gather what's going on with his wife and quickly figures out from the remains of the guy she was sleeping with that he obviously struck a nerve with one of his X-mas Files Stories!

Mr. and Mrs. Snow, along with Ed who's along for the ride (thanks to an encounter with the Elves that left him looking like Vincent Van Gogh) follow all their leads to cover the Ultimate Christmas Story! But nothing can prepare them for who and what they will meet along the way!


Not to give to much more away, I'll say that that I absolutely loved this movie! From the quirky characters, the ludicrous plot, and surprisingly great creatures/special effect for an super low budget indie movie! One of my only knocks on this movie is the poor picture quality, since it was Shot On Video and that make most of the Outside Night Scenes very hard to see what exactly is going on!

But it's all good cause they still managed to get one of the coolest looking Vampires I have ever seen in a movie . . .

Behold "Clausferatu"!

So if you are in the mood for something different (major understatement!) to watch this Holiday Season, "Two Front Teeth" is a Solid Pull!

Check out the Trailer for Two Front Teeth!


Merry Shitmas
- Tom

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