Monday, December 23, 2013

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (A Shitmas Post from Bucky Schuyler of Horror Sci-fi and More!)

First off I would like to thank Shit Movie Fest for this opportunity for being a part of this lovely event and hopefully try and not screw this up too badly seeing as I have only done something like this a few times before and they were mostly horror, sci-fi or fantasy based films.

Now the movie is based off the C.S. Lewis novel The Chronicle of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Now alot of people say this book is infact the second novel of the 7 part series as the first book is truly infact  The Magician's Nephew. But to me I don't really care for what certain fans say or what Harper Collins says the first book to me is the one I read when I was a kid and that was this one. Now the film was co-produced by both Walden Media and Walt Disney Pictures. The fact that Disney got into this scenario was they wanted to jump onto the Harry Potter ship that was already sailing. Disney would help make the second novel a film (Prince Caspian) but due to its horrible box office draw they decided that after that they were no longer going to make another Narnia film, leaving walden Media to shop around til they landed at 20th Century Fox to make the third novel a film (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader). Now I'm done giving everyone a boring ass history lesson here so lets get into the movie!!!

Now the movie opens and your immediately thrown into a bomber plane in World War 2 and your asking yourself what the hell this is suppose to be a children's movie not Saving Private Ryan. But thats the catch the bombing happens and yet you see no one die but you have to use your imagination to remember what you were told about in history class back in school and thats when your brain starts to hurt and you hope that it just gets to the actual story which it does when your first introduced quickly to Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy Pevensie as they try to evade the bombs and get into their shelter after a quick blackout your shuffled off into a subway and the Pevensie are being sent away for their own safety by their mother who sends them to the house of Professor Digory Kirke, who is not accustomed to having children in his house. This is where we meet Ms. Macready, the strict housekeeper who wants to keep the children from having contact with the Professor.

During their time in the house the boredom level for these poor unforunate souls seems to be an all time high and the fact that its the 1940's doesn't make it any easier for a child of that era for us to watch cause they suffer from not having the technology and shit we have today. So what do they do to help pass the time, they play hide-and-seek and thats when Lucy finds a large wardrobe covered by a white sheet alone in large room. Awkward to say but no one really cares for that so back to the matter at hand she opens the wardrobe and enters it as she walks further into it she walks into a wintry fantasy world called Narnia. She finds a lamppost and thats when she encounters the world's first Narnian a faun named Mr. Tumnus, whose played by James McAvoy whose bigger fame is playing the younger version of Charles Xavier in the X-men Franchise. Now after a brief exchange he convinces the young Lucy to come with him back to his home where he offers her food (sardines) and drink (tea). While there he puts her to sleep playing a lullaby on his flute. It is when she awakens that she finds him grieving and that is when he explains to her about the witch that has cursed the land of Narnia and that it has been snowing for a hundred years and he explains to her that he must bring Lucy to the witch if he was to ever encounter a human but he cannot bring himself to kidnap her and send her back home through the wardrobe. Upon her return she explains that what was a day to her was nothing more than a few hours to the real world and her siblings don't believe her after they look into the wardrobe to see nothings there.

Well little Lucy wait til the night for when everyone is asleep to go back to Narnia but she's followed by her nosey brother Edmund who ventures into Narnia a few minutes behind her and loses her. Instead of finding Lucy he finds a very pissed off dwarf who attempts to stab him and tells him he's gonna bite off his ear. But before any harm is brought forth to the kid the White Witch shows her somewhat David Bowie looking face and stops her minion and begins her deceitful little gameplan to fool Edmund, she offers him what appears to be hot chocolate and Turkish Delights. Typical kid falling for sweets. She then tells him that he has the chance to become king and have power over his other siblings if he brings them to her. She leaves, he finds his sister who just runs into him from what appears to be like around the corner. After they return the scene jumps to the kids playing baseball where they break a stained glass window, very expensive if you ask me. When the housekeeper goes looking for the kids for the sound of breaking glass they all run towards the wardrobe and enter it and fall into Narnia. Upon this they discover Mr. Tumnus was taken by the Queen and they bump into two talking beavers that tell them about Aslan. Apparently Aslan plans to take the land of Narnia from the Witch and needs the four children to help him do this. Apparently its been prophesied that two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve would sit in the four thrones and the Witch's reign would end. This is the part where some religious overtones start.

Edmund sneaks off cause what does the younger brother suppose to do if the older brother is the one whose always taking control. He goes to the Witch but she is pissed at him for not following her directions and she takes him prisoner. While he is in the dungeon he meets Mr. Tumnus and the Witch demands that Edmund reveal his siblings are but Tumnus tells the Witch Edmund knows nothing. The Witch tells Tumnus that Edmund has betrayed from what I guess was Narnians and turns the faun into stone. Turns the guy into stone for no reason.

Now this is where Christmas actually shows up in the film. The three remaining children and the beavers travel some distance but hear what they think is the Witch's sleigh bells in the distance so they decide to haul ass and hide. One of the beavers takes it upon himself to see who or what it is and he tells the children its someone whose been looking for and wanting to see them. Father Christmas, whose appearance is a sign due to the Witch's reign ending. He gives them all a gift. Lucy recieves a bottle that holds healing liquid, Susan gets a bow and arrows along with a blowhorn to use if she needs help and Peter is given a sword and shield. Father Christmas then leaves and thats when wolves show up and start talking, every creature in this world talks. He threatens them and they take off towards the river thats becoming unfrozen. Peter thrusts his sword into the ice and the glacier breaks and sends them sailing away. How this didn't kill three children is beyond me.

The White Witch journeys to Aslan's camp and claims the traitor Edmund, but Aslan secretly offers to sacrifice himself instead. That night, as Lucy and Susan covertly watch, Aslan is shavened and killed by the White Witch. In the morning he is resurrected because "there is a magic deeper still the Witch does not know". More religious overtones. Aslan takes Susan and Lucy to the Witch's castle, where he frees the prisoners that the White Witch turned to stone. Lucy finds Mr. Tumnus and they are reunited.

Now the epic battle begins, Edmund talks his brother into leading Aslan's army against the Witch. Peter does so and leads them into battle. Now you have minotaurs and centaurs fighting. As well as all the animals the world has around it. The Witch is pissed now and starts turning Narnian's to stone to make her way towards Peter to possibly kill him. Edmund noticing his brother is a target takes it upon himself to attack and destroy the Witch's wand. In doing so she stabs him in the gut with the broken wand and leaves him for dead. The Witch turns her attentions to Peter who engages in battle with her but her attention is distracted when the return of Aslan happens and his reinforcements join the battle. Aslan tackles the Witch to the ground and at first your thinking he's going to show mercy on her as he just looks at her but nope.

HE BITES HER HEAD OFF!!!! Its not shown but trust me you have to think it.

The kids are made Kings and Queens.

Years past by and the kids are now adults and they are chasing a white horse through the forest. When they encounter the lamppost that Lucy first saw when she ventured into Narnia. They make their way through the forest and soon find themselves in the wardrobe and in the time and day that they left as if time never moved for them in the real world and they become children again. The Professor shows up and your thinking he's gonna beat the hell out of them and he asks them why they were in the wardrobe. Peter tells him he wouldn't believe them if they told him. He tells them after tossing a ball to Peter. Try me.

The films ends and the credits roll. But then your given one last glimpse of Lucy at the wardrobe looking to see if she could go back but the Professor walks in and tells her he's tried to get back for many years but they will probably return to Narnia when they least expect it.

 That was the last build up for the second film cause they weren't expecting to go back cause Caspian blew the horn and they were back in Narnia but thats another time for someone else or me to tell you about. "Wunderkind" by Alanis Morissette plays and the credits roll til the end.

Well thats it friends. I would like to thank Thomas Bryce and Shit Movie Fest for allowing me this opportunity. Its been a pleasure and I hope to do it again sometime soon or next year.

- Bucky Schuyler

1 comment: