Sunday, December 22, 2013

Santa's Slay (A Shitmas Post from Lord Battle of The Overlook Theatre)

    5 of 5 viewers "Liked" "Santa's Slay" (Canada/USA, 2005)
    Here's what the citizens of the Overlook Theatre had to say:

    Lord Battle - "Santa's Slay is a Christmas miracle! Goldberg is an awesome viking Santa." - 5 Stars

    Book Wyrm - "Definitely better than those lame Christmas specials. They're not pushing morals at you but at the same time, they do. It was witty, funny, and entertaining. Definitely a Christmas classic." - 5 Stars

    Huntress - "A yuletide romp threw the perfect blend of camp, gore, and comic lines that I will definitely enjoy again." - 5 Stars

    The Great Hornito - "Everything about this movie was awesome. Goldberg played the best role by a pro wrestler since Roddy Piper in "They Live". Filled with raunchy, witty, silly humor and non stop action and cool kill scenes. An extra bonus to this masterpiece was that Glenn Cocco from "Mean Girls" helped in the making of this movie." - 5 Stars

    Ice Giant - "Every kill was awesome and unique, the one liners were cheesy in a good way, this is a new Christmas tradition." - 5 Stars

    The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*

    Above I referred to "Santa's Slay" as a Christmas miracle, and before you disregard this post, hear me out. What other film starts off with Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and Rebecca Gayheart being murdered? In fact, the violence this movie opens with isn't as random as it seems; none of this movie is random and/or pointless, everything has an underlying theme or message. Typically, genre films about Christmas hit topics like consumerism and how America worships material objects and how the morals of the holiday are lost forever. This film has much more to offer including lots of cinema homage and not just horror homage but classic holiday homage too. So bare with me as I run through some points and toss back some pints in the name of Christmas!

    "Santa's Slay" opens with all our favorite stars being killed (of course) but before viking Santa appeared, what was happening? The family was pretty much at odds, cheating, griping, and anything but being thankful was going on, (even including a lude act of finger play followed by a bad pun) until good ol' Santa came and brought fun and joy (to us the viewers). Santa destroyed this ungrateful family that represents everything the world hates about America, and not because he's blinded by some altruist superman crap, but because he is the son of Satan, hell bent on chaos.

    If you find yourself confused by my explanation, just look to the book of Klaus and know that it's not the Necronomicon, but it is a book that you'd find next to it in a wizards library. The book of Klaus tells of how the son of the all mighty Satan was tricked into becoming a slave once a year, bringing joy to all the good boys and girls of the world. Thankfully, the movie acts as a sequel and shows us how this is so strong a holiday, that it can rally people to live through a slashers rampage.

    Viking Santa is one hell of a slasher, bringing some of the most creative kills I've seen to the table, including throwing someone a metal pole then stabbing it into a light socket, fashioning a candy-cane into a dagger, and spearing a deli owner through his meat display. He also slings puns like he's seen "Silent night, Deadly Night" a 100 times, saying things like "Ho ho ho" before kissing a prostitute.

    And through all of this, Nicholas (I'm assuming like Ol' Saint Nick) and Mary (like Merry Christmas or the Virgin Mary) save the day, beating Satan Santa and proving that the classic morals are still relevant. We may all mock Charlie Brown's Christmas, but in a way "Santa's Slay" is the same film, albeit with a lot less dancing and a lot more gore, but you get what it is that I'm trying to say. All in all, Santa's Slay turned out to be one of the Overlook's new Christmas Classics and a legendary five star review. From all of us here at the theatre, Happy Holidays!

    *Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not effect the rating.

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