Saturday, December 29, 2012

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (A SMF Review)

Maltauro Entertainment's new indie slasher "Bloody Bloody Bible Camp" give you a taste of what it would be like if you were forced to attend a "Jesus Camp" on "Friday the 13th" during a "Wet Hot American Summer" . . .

This movie is the perfect send-up of the gory low budget campground slashers that followed in the wake of Friday the 13th's success and also the classic sex comedies that "Porky's" went on to inspire!

I was instantly drawn to B.B.B.C.'s DVD cover when I was at F.Y.E. cause the Killer's Red Mask reminded me of one of my favorite Wrestlers "Kane". Only this person is wearing a Nun Outfit and holding an Ax . . . not to say Kane doesn't also do that in his free time!

Also as seen on the cover, the movie  features some pretty recognizable names including Reggie Banniste of the "Phantasm" series, Tim Sullivan (2001 Maniacs), and Porn Legend Ron Jeremy (who also recently showed up in this year's Indie Hit "Alpha Girls"

Our preOpeningCredit scene takes place at "The Happy Day Bible Camp" during the Summer of 1977, the first two lines we hear in the movie are "Jesus probably had a Big Penis, and i think he would only want us to have sex with someone who has a big one too!" as discussed by two sluty sluts and from a group of guys inside a cabin "I seen that Star Wars movie . . . It was Terrible, it's gonna BOMB for sure!"

As drinking, drugs and sex start coming into play as our preCredit characters party on into the night they also start dropping like flies at the hands of "Sister Mary Chopper"!
Sister Chopper is huge and besides that ax I mentioned on the cover, she carries with "Her" a full arsenal of weapons that also dual as something Holy! Including a Crucifix Knife combo and a set of rosaries for her strangulation needs!

After the Sister is done cleansing The Happy Day Bible Camp of all it's sin (and 70s merkins) we skip ahead to the year 1984!

Happy Day is long closed, but is being check out by Father Cumming (Bannister) to be possibly purchased by his church, along for the trip is a group of not so squeaky clean teens who all fit the typical slasher victims handbook!

There's "Tad" the Sex Crazed Jock, "Timmy" the Fat Nerd, "Brittany" the Hot Virginal Chick, "Jennifer" the Tuff Loner, "Vance" the Weirdo, and "Brother Zeke" as the Black Guy!

Before reaching the camp they stop at a general store (dubbed the "Cracker Shack" by Zeke), this store must have a Hot Tub Time Machine out back cause even though it's 1984, they somehow even sell For Loko!

Father Cumming and the rest are warned by the shop's owner not to step foot on the Camp Property cause it cursed! Of course that warning falls on deaf ears, then again we wouldn't haven't much of a movie otherwise!

Does Sister Mary Chopper return to once again rid The Happy Day Bible Camp of all it's Sin? Will said Sinners die the most horrible bloody deaths? And will someone have an Ass-To-Mouth Experience with a Crucifix?

The answer to all those questions is YES, YES, and YES!

Writer/Director Vito Trabucco did a supremo job with this film, he introduced us to a creative new Slasher in "Sister Chooper" and also showcased the works of "Oddtopsy FX" a a top notch FX team!
I really wasn't expecting the kills to be as amazing as there were, what's even more impressive was that none of them were CGI! What more can a Gorehound ask for?

I laughed at all of these over the top gore laden kills just as much as I did at the talk of "Sinful Boners" and the hammy on purpose acting by the cast!
Many people have tried and failed to capture the feel of the 80s Slasher in recents years, and save for that fridge full of "Four Loko" this one seceded big time!

"Bloody Bloody Bible Camp" is a movie that I can't wait to show my fellow horror friends and I can only hope this movie turns out to be successful cause I need more of Sister Mary Chopper's exploits in my life!

So if you wanna stay in Sister Chopper's good graces go grab your own copy of B.B.B.C. at Amazon!

(B.B.B.C. NSFW Trailer)

- Tom Bryce

1 comment:

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