Lambgoat.com recently posted their 11-Greatest-Metal-Songs-of-All-Time. That article dropped like a turd in a toilet bowl and the splashback was disgusting. Sounds that can only be described as a "deer chocking on it's own tick infested shit" were uttered under my breath while I read it. To say the list was terrible is like saying Glenn Danzig has a Napoleonic Complex. The statement is a matter of fact, not opinion. Now "best of" lists are usually contentious. That is why I like them. The good ones spark debate and can even be enlightening (expanding my generally short sighted musical horizons), but the lambgoat list just ignited a hatred inside of me that is usually reserved for members of the House of Representative's Ethics Committee or Kanye West. After much internal whining (which gave way to intense brain bleeding) I compiled my own list of greatest metal songs. Lambgoat's list went to 11 (get it? GET IT? Now go kill yourself) so I one-upped them and made mine an even 15. Of course you won't agree on all 15. That isn't the point. Just sound off in the comment section below or on our ever-popular facebook page (the 'tweens love it!) and tell me how wrong I am. And definitely tell me if you can do better.
So, get your studs and spikes on and raise those Cheetos crusted devil horns because Shit Movie Fest Presents: "The Top 15 Metal-est Metal Songs of ALL TIME...maybe".
15. Obituary - Slowly We Rot
14. High on Fire - Rumors of War
13. Danzig - Godless
12. Iron Maiden - The Trooper
11. Black Sabbath - Sign of the Southern Cross
10. Deicide - Mephistopheles
9. Decapitated - Sphere's of Madness
8. Pantera - I'm Broken
7. Merciful Fate - Into the Coven
6. Mastodon - Blood and Thunder
5. Slayer - Skeletons of Society
4. Metallica - Creeping Death
3. Black Sabbath - Jack the Stripper/Faeries Wear Boots
Motorhead's Overkill is one false ending after another. Its like playing "just the tip" with a Whitechapel Street Hag. At some point her desire will boil over and she will bite your face off. Struggling to break free her seasoned genitals will lock onto you like a vice. You aren't going anywhere (whether you like it or not). And although death is imminent, at the moment you are having the time of your life.
1. Judas Priest - Living After Midnight
I hope you had fun rocking out and please direct all of your hate mail to our in-house Sarlacc: