Saturday, December 24, 2011

Black X-Mas (25 Days of Shitmas Day #24)

Black X-Mas is a remake/reimagining of the 1974 slasher classic Black Christmas. Since I mentioned on Day # 5 of Shitmas that it was only just recently that I started to like the original movie I am probably a lot kinder to the 2006 version than most horror fans out there. I hope I don't lose too much respect for that statement or anything I say from from here on out...

When this was released back on Christmas Day back in 2006, my girlfriend and I at the time were super excited to see it, we were both fans of cheesy slashers all were all about seeing it opening night!
Maybe it was the fact that it open on a Monday night but hardly anybody was there, it's as if the general public could care less about this movie. Since most Horror fans held Bob Clark's movie so close to their heart they refused to see it outright, some still keeping their promise to this day. I sorta see the backlash since the movie does take the basic elements of the past movie but sleazes it up to fit into a more modern setting. Here's what was changed for better or worse in this update, where the 70s movie relied on almost no blood or gore to make for a very tension filled movie, this one ups the ante tenfold. The Girls are a lot more whorish to the point that they make "Resident Slut" Margot" Kidder from the original B.C. look like an prude. And last but not least one of the most memorable aspects of the first film, the killer who was never actually seen in his entirety and known only as "Billy" is front and center in this movie, with a twisted back story and everything!
Here's that back story for wikipedia, cause one I am being lazy tonight and two this pretty much sums it up perfectly . ..

Billy Edward Lenz (Robert Mann), a boy born with a rare medical condition that makes his skin yellow, is constantly abused and hated by Mrs. Lenz (Karin Konoval). Setting her eyes on another man, she kills her husband, and buries his body in the underground crawlspace under the house. When Billy is seen witnessing this, she locks him in the attic. When Mrs. Lenz tries to conceive a new baby with her new man, she realizes he is impotent, and goes up to the attic and rapes Billy. Soon, Agnes (Dean Friss) is born, who is loved by her new family. On a Christmas Eve, Billy snaps, escaping, disfiguring Agnes, and gruesomely kills his mother and her new husband. He then proceeds to make cookies out of his mother's flesh. He is caught, and is sent to a mental asylum. On Christmas Eve 2006, Billy escapes from his cell after killing the security guard, butchers a man in a Santa Claus costume, and disguises himself in the costume to escape.

Ok not that we are caught up, how fucked is that shit? Mom/Son Rape, A baby conceived form said Mom/Son Rape, Yellow Skin, and cookies made from a dead woman'n flesh.

After escaping from the asylum, which doesn't sound like that bad of a place if you factor in all of that back story, Billy heads back to childhood home which is now a a sorority house.
The cast is made up CW Actresses such as Katie Cassidy & Michelle Trachtenberg, the one girl from "Mean Girls" not to make it big, and a pre"Ramona Flowers" Mary Winstead! As I was saying before everyone is extremely sexed up this time around, but because of that they are pretty interchangeable. Once the killer starts offing these rich bitches you sometimes ask yourself which one was that again lol.

Since more gore is involved, the murders are a lot more elaborated . . . icicles going through heads, death by Snow-globe, and someone getting impaled by a Christmas Tree.
Also this movie has really weird fixation with eyeballs … so much that it makes Quentin Tarantino's foot fetish seem normal in comparison.

Seriously talk about beating a dead horse!

Where a lot questions were left unanswered at the end of the original film, this one ends quite differently final showdown involving a fire in the house and a trip to the hospital. Besides not having John Saxon, this movie has everything you can want out of a Slasher Film, and it' really worth checking out if you get a chance. I realize it will never replace your love for the Classic but it is in no way as bad as some of the other horror remakes to come along in recent years . . . Yes I'm talking about you Nightmare On Elm Street!

- Tom Bryce


  1. You're not alone, man. I had a blast with this movie.

  2. Good to know, another one people shat on that I loved was the "House of Wax" remake.

  3. I didn't think this movie was that bad! I liked it! I felt like it was everything I wanted in a slasher, like you said.