The Obligatory Top Ten Films of 2011 List . . . Well Top Ten That I've Actually Seen!

So here's my "Obligatory Top Ten Films of 2011" list. Before starting I guess I should say I haven't gotten around to seeing "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo","The Woman", "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol", "Young Adult", and "MoneyBall", so I don't know 'if' or 'where' they would show up on this list. But hey, here are 10 Films I did see this year and loved . . .

010: Horrible Bosses

When Kevin Spacey plays a Huge Prick in a movie (e.g. "Swimming With Sharks") he's at his very best. Horrible Bosses is a well written Dark Comedy, but since actors such a Spacey were casted it became something to really watch instead of one of the endless Hangover Clones out there now.

The 25 Days of Shitmas (Year One)

When I had the idea a month ago to feature a different Holiday Movie here on the SMF Blog each day leading up to Christmas I knew I wasn't going to be able to do it on my own, the Support I received was Amazing . . . I want to take this opportunity to say Thanks Again to Everyone Who Contributed a Shitmas Review this month . . . Chris, Steve, John S., Dick, Jessie, Kristy, Manny, Eric K., and Eric M. there's no way I would have been able to pull this off without your Help! Shitmas was a Major Success and Hopefully you guys are all down for the Sequel Next Year . . . "Shitmas 2: Holiday Killaloo" :)

Here's A Final List of all of 2011's ShitMas Movies and a Link to Sites of each Guest Reviewer . . .

The He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (25 Days of Shitmas Day #25)

This was not intended to be the final write up for the "25 Days of Shitmas", but a couple things didn't work out as planned and I really didn't feel like featuring "A Christmas Story" or "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" since they've been done to death so, I hit the Netflix Instant Watch and stumbled upon this ShitBomb from 1985!

Black X-Mas (25 Days of Shitmas Day #24)

Black X-Mas is a remake/reimagining of the 1974 slasher classic Black Christmas. Since I mentioned on Day # 5 of Shitmas that it was only just recently that I started to like the original movie I am probably a lot kinder to the 2006 version than most horror fans out there. I hope I don't lose too much respect for that statement or anything I say from from here on out...

Santa Claus - 1959 (25 Days of Shitmas, Day #23)

It is the eve of Christmas Eve and I have decided to punish myself. I do not completely understand the reason, but I feel compelled. Maybe because I know the Christmas gifts I bought are inadequate and I am just counting down the hours to disappointed faces. Or maybe because I have ingested a handful of quality films recently (including the dark yet beautiful ‘Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’) and the guilt I feel for not staying in the cinematic muck where I belong is overwhelming. Whatever the reason, I am punishing myself in a heinous way. I am reviewing the 1959 Mexican/American co-production ‘Santa Claus’. This movie will be a stain on my brain for the rest of my life.

Die Hard (25 Days of Shitmas Day #22)

Come out to the coast we’ll get together, have a few laughs. If only John McClane hadn’t listened to those words from his estranged wife. Of course if he hadn’t listed, we would never have experienced the epic events that transpired at Nakatomi Plaza.

Unless you have lived in a cave for the past two decades, you have probably seen Die Hard. If you haven’t seen it, you should just stop reading now and go out and buy it. The film was brought to life under the watchful eye of John McTiernan, you know, the man who also gave us Predator, Last Action Hero, and the ultra shitty Rollerball remake. On a side note, Mr. McTiernan must have taken notes from the villains in his films, as he is currently serving hard time. I know, it’s a shocker that some assclown from Hollywood actually got locked up. Fucking California. Anyway, back to the film. Now I know some of you out there may be asking yourself, how the hell is this considered a Christmas film? Well I am about to explain it, so sit back, grab some egg nog, and feast on a thousand year old twinkie.

Sint (25 Days of Shitmas Day #21)

Since my friend Jamie bought me a $20 F.Y.E. Gift card for Christmas I went there on my lunch break yesterday, looked around at some of the DVDs and settled on a new release. That movie ended up being "Sint", well actually it's lamely just called "Saint Nick" here in America for some reason. But I didn't know the director's name was actually"Dick Maas", I really thought that was the tagline they were using for the film, silly me!

St. Nicholas whom you may or may not know is the real life Inspiration for Santa Claus, he had a reputation for secret gift-giving, such as putting coins in the shoes of those who leave them outside their house for him.

When I was in grade school (a Catholic one mind you) we would follow that same tradition of leaving one shoe outside our classrooms and we would hear bells ringing in the hallways. When our teachers said so, we would go retrieve our shoe and it would be filled with a bag of candy . . . Pure Magic! It wasn't until you were in the 5th grade you found out it was now your job to fill the younger kids shoes with candy and you get diddly squat in return lol.

To All A Good Night (25 Days of Shitmas Day #20)

"To All A Goodnight" is a movie that has been on my radar for sometime now, but I have never gotten a chance to actually see it until I picked up a copy from the VHSPS last weekend.
Since the film does not have a proper DVD release and a VHS copy goes for $75+ on Ebay when I saw a copy on the VHSPS display rack for $5 I had to snatch that shit up!
Going into this movie I was familiar with the box art and knew it was a pioneer of the 'Killer Wears a Santa Suite' genre, but that was about all I knew.
The first thing about "To All a Goodnight" that really surprised me was that the film was directed by horror icon David Hess!

I always applauded his acting in Sleazy Exploitation Classics such as "House on the Edge of the Park" and "Last House On The Left", so I was interested to see what he could do behind the camera.

Less Than Zero (25 Days of Shitmas Day #19)

When I first made my list of what Christmas Movies I own and would include as part of the 25 Days of Shitmas "Less Than Zero" didn't immediately pop into my head . . .

But after making up that list, I added a couple movies, took some off because my friends were doing guest reviews and when all was said and done "Less Than Zero" ended up making the final cut. Even though this movie takes place during Christmas time, the holiday is more of a backdrop than anything else or just another excuse to throw a party. But hey Christmas is what you make of it I guess, so now let's us all Disappear Here . . .

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 (25 Days of Shitmas Day #18 )

Silent Night Deadly Night 2 aka Silent Night Deadly Night 1.5: Garbage Day

Any time I watch a movie with my friend Chris that has an overabundance of "flashbacks" in it to tell it's story we have a running joke of saying "Previously on (said movie)", I think it started back when we would cram the entire SAW series in right before the new one came out every October, and the joke may or may not have reached its expiration date after we saw "The Taint", since the second half of that movie is nothing but flashbacks and montages.

But has there ever been a movie guilty of over using the flashback ploy more than "Silent Night Deadly Night 2"?

The Muppet Christmas Carol (25 Days of Shitmas Day #17)

There are so many times in my adult life where I am looked at strangely  because I exclaim about the virtues of docile things. Why is this so strange to some? It’s probably because I am a fiercely self-proclaimed horror nerd. My entire career is based around the horror industry in one way or another and when I start to wax whimsically about the love I have for things non-horror related, people can sometimes be dumbfounded. But kids, that is why I’m here today. I want to tell you about my love and affection for the Muppets, moreover, I want to tell you about my love for The Muppet Christmas Carol.

Gremlins (25 Days of Shitmas Day #16)

Gremlins (Review by Jessie Seitz)

Back in ye old 1980’s kid movies were not the watered down, non-offending, piles of crap that they are today. Goblins stealing baby brothers, mice trying to save their offspring from pneumonia and children tasked with saving a parallel universe stuck in a book … all of this happened in one magic decade of entertainment. And we loved it, named our pets after the characters, played with the toys and ate the breakfast cereal. Life was good.

With all of these things under consideration, it’s easy to see how a movie about a family pet that spawns evil monsters, during Christmas, got made. Gremlins was unleashed upon the world during the holiday season of 1984. The film opens with a very Polanski inspired noir shot of Randall Peltzer, inventor and proprietor. Rand, finds himself searching for a Christmas gift in the middle of the night while out on one of his many “business trips”.

(Personally, I feel that Rand suffered from some sort of personality disorder and was prone to wandering.) As fate would have it, he stumbles upon a fury little creature called a Mogwai in a crusty gift shop nestled in Chinatown.

Don't Open Till Christmas (25 Days of Shitmas, Day #15)

Christmas themed scare flicks usually follow the same model; crazy guy dresses like Santa Claus, crazy Santa Claus kills teens. It is a simple yet effective way to subvert a holiday that every level headed adult becomes sick of weeks before the season actually ends. “Don’t Open till Christmas” takes this tried and true concept and turns it on it's tired head. Instead of a film about a killer Santa, this 1980s British production tells the story of a killer, who kills Santas! That simple marijuana fueled tweak is just what this repetitive genre needed. Add a sub-Agatha Christie 'whodunit' and a grim London setting and you have the forgotten slasher masterpiece on the docket today, “Don’t Open till Christmas”.

We Wish You A Turtle Christmas (25 Days of Shitmas Day #14)

Back in 1989 when I was about seven years old the most important thing to me besides WWF Wrestling was The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I liked the TV shows & toys of G.I. Joe, He-Man, and the "Real" Ghostbusters . . .
But for me the Turtles were the reigning kings of my free time after school and on the weekends. Between the cartoon being on every day, playing and never beating the super hard NES game, and the hundreds of toys they put on the market I would beg my parents to buy. When the first movie came out in 1990 it was the biggest thing going, BIGGER than even my own birthday (which was four days prior). I remember going to see it with Dad the weekend it came out and a couple times down the shore that summer because the $1 theaters were still running it. When the second T.M.N.T. movie came out I was maybe even more excited then I was for the first film. I remember my Uncle Bob agreed to take me to see it that weekend, but when we got to the AMC 10 it was Sold Out! (heartbreaking) . . .

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (25 Days of Shitmas, Day #13)

1984 - Mickey Rooney goes on the attack against Silent Night, Deadly Night for its 'desecration of Christmas', famously saying that "The scum who made that movie should be run out of town."

1991 - Mickey Rooney stars in Silent Night, Deadly Night 5.

The Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise is one of the strangest horror franchises out there and there's perhaps no better example of that than the fifth and final installment, an underappreciated slice of 90's gold from the makers of films such as Return of the Living Dead 3, Bride of Re-Animator, The Dentist & Friday The 13th Part 3. Just one year after the franchise shed its Christmas theme altogether with the Clint Howard starring Part 4 (an awesome film in its own right), The Toy Maker brought back the holiday cheer, franchise hater Mickey Rooney in tow, with a delightfully oddball little tale about a toymaker who handcrafts evil toys with the intention of them killing their young recipients on Christmas morning. The film is essentially Christmas' answer to Halloween 3, both in terms of storyline and the unfortunate fate it suffered for being attached to a franchise it didn't have much to do with. The Toy Maker is a pretty kickass little horror flick on its own, much like Season of the Witch, though it generally doesn't earn much respect due to the Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 5 title that comes before that subtitle. As far as i'm concerned, it's a holiday horror classic that's just dying to be unwrapped and rediscovered by the many fans who likely wrote it off sight unseen simply for being part 5 in a not so respected horror franchise, one that oftentimes had sequels that didn't have much to do with one another.

As for me personally, i'm a big fan of the franchises' finale and I find little to not love about it. Rather than simply review it, i've decided to instead show my love for the film by making a little list (and checking it twice!) of just some of those things about it that I cherish and adore. Consider it my love letter to a film that could quite frankly use a bit more love every so often. What better place and time to give it some of that lovin' than here and now, on Shit Movie Fest's epic 25 Days of Shitmas!?!

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (25 Days of Shitmas, Day #12)

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a children's film from the early 1960s. In its 40+ years of existence no child has ever gained an ounce of holiday cheer from this movie. Not to say that this film isn’t entertaining (because it is) or that the film wasn’t made for children (because it was), but the makers of this picture decided to intentionally add fear, despair and violence into a story aimed at prepubescents. Instead of injecting some Christmas spirit, they mainlined a needle full of psychedelic weirdness.“Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a candy colored play with toys for props and children as its stars. Sadly, the candy coloring gives the sets a sticky, disgusting appearance and the fake, oversized props add a sense of sick claustrophobia.

The film follows two children across the solar system. The story moves them further and further away from their home with no promise of return. The adults that surround them project a Lewis Carroll sense of madness. They care so little about the children’s wellbeing that young audiences of the 60s must have been terrified. I guarantee you, after leaving the theater the youth of America formed a much stronger distrust of their parental units.

And All Through the House (25 Days of Shitmas Day #11)

And All Through the House Print by Chris Ott

(Available for Purchase Here)

Today's spotlight is all about the Tale's From Crypt Story "And All Through the House" taken from the Vault of Horror #35 comic book. I'm gonna cover the segment from the 1972 Tales from the Crypt film and also the 1980s Tales From The Crypt TV show episode of the same name.

The 1972 "All Through The House" is the first story told in the T.F.T.C. movie by the Crypt Keper, played here by an Old Ralph Richardson and not the pun heavy puppet of my childhood. It's a cold and snowy Christmas Eve, Joanne Clayton (The Very striking Joan Collins) sick of her husband's ways murders him in Cold Blood with a Giant Sword.

Ernest Saves Christmas (25 Days of Shitmas Day #10)

Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)

Starring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark

Writers: Ed Turner & B. Kline

Director: John Cherry (John R. Cherry III)

The Story:

Current Santa travels to Orlando, Florida to pass down the Father Christmas torch. The next contestant- local TV kid show personality, Joe Carruthers. You see, he's been playing the Kris Kringle card longer than he should, and the magic is starting to drift. Current Santa is becoming kinda senile; taking notes and shit to remember which child was naughty and which one was nice. Dude should have passed down the torch a long time ago. Anyhoo, at the airport, current Santa meets up with cab driver, Ernest P. Worrell, who takes him to the Orlando Children's Museum so he can propose this gargantuan offer to Mr. Carruthers. One thing leads to another, and current Santa gets thrown in the slammer for being a crazy old coot. This slings some shit into the yuletide fan, for sure. It becomes a race against time for Ernest and a teenage runaway to break current Santa outta jail so he can convince Joe Carruthers to become the new Santa by 7:00 P.M. on Christmas eve. If they don't succeed, a whole lotta kids will be waking up the next morning to a big bunch of fucking nothing under the Xmas tree! DEVASTATING.

The Ref (25 Days of Shitmas Day #9)

I can't say I'm the biggest fan of Christmas, but I'm not the opponent of it I used to be.. I have found my little dysfunctional niche in it, and I have come to enjoy some things about it. Our Christmas Tree this year has a severed head, wrapped in a plastic bag with lights all around it as a topper. Our ornaments include brains, skulls, pirates and a few we made ourselves. Candy Corn lights and black skeleton tinsel.
Yeah, we don't exactly have the most family friendly decorating style. So, to say Christmas is a time for family, could be the grossest overstatement in history, expecially in this house. Luckily for us, Denis Leary helps to prove that family could ruin what was a perfectly good night of trouble and mischief.
In "The Ref" he proves that on top of his amazing ability to downgrade religion, promote smoking, and sing about Assholes, he could also do family comedy.
Sorta..

Scrooged (25 Days of Shitmas Day #8)

It Will Scare The Dickens Out Of You!

Ok, I know that Charles Dickens is responsible for A Christmas Carol, but as a child of the eighties, I recall one and only one version of his tale. That version is the 1988 classic Scrooged, starring Bill Murray and directed by Richard Donner. Instead of a dark and gloomy 1800's time period, we are placed in a dark and gloomy 1980's time period. A time where television rules and creates greedy misers such as Frances Xavier Cross, or Frank to his....well, employees. He has no friends.

This film is and will always be gold in my eyes. It takes a tired, worn story and gives it the dark, comedic twist it needed to make it new again. Murray of course, is hilarious. He is also able to be cruel and heartless, which is a change of pace for him.

Elves (25 Days of Shitmas, Day #7)

‘Elves’ (1989) is a low budget horror film that has more pulp horror and action in its 89 short minutes than all of George Lucas', James Cameron's and Peter Jackson's ‘cartoon-movies’ combined. You would need a Joe Bob Briggs style list to help keep track of all the extra-ordinary moments in this film (Elf Fu?). The problem? The pace of 'Elves' is so monotonous that my brain refuses to pay enough attention to compile said list. Though there are Nazis, satanic masses, power gems, and killer fucking elves (!); ‘Elves’ still manages to be lifeless. The director of this film, whose name is not important enough to mention, sucks the energy and humor out of a script that (it seems) employees an ‘everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink approach. 'Elves' marries 1940s pulp and 1970s exploitation into a beautifully unholy Sabbath, and yet this film still stinks.

Santa's Slay (25 Days of Shitmas Day #6)

Christmas is not necessarily the Holiday that you would expect a horror nerd to love. Halloween, sure but Christmas? It is a holiday that is generally based off a crack pot religion that even if you follow makes no sense as according to history books(I use that term lightly) is nowhere near that hippies birthday. Consumerism is another reason that many are turned off by this holiday and while I think that there is no need to mace a bitch for an X Box it sure is funny reading about. My point which is hidden in my drunk ramblings is I don't give a shit. I can ignore all that and just enjoy. The things I enjoy the most are the drinks(shocking), the movies(so many classics) and finding friends the most insanely awesome and disturbing gifts I can. I am like a drunk evil Santa which I guess means I kinda am just Santa. Well I will put down this drink and get on with it. Santa's Slay, one of the more modern films on my yearly watch list.

Black Christmas - 1974 (25 Days of Shitmas Day #5)

Directed by Bob Clark in 1974, Black Christmas is long regarded as the film that gave birth to the late 70s and early 80s Slasher craze and it's also considered among horror fans as the first film to feature the classic Urban Legend tale "The Killer is calling from inside the House".

I'm embarrassed to admit, but in my teens I found this movie rather boring and didn't see how people could say it was better than John Carpenter's Halloween. While I still feel Halloween is the superior movie, my opinion on B.C. has changed drastically. After re-watching Black Christmas for this review (for the first time since 2001 when the 25th Anniversary edition was released) I found myself picking up on little details about the murders and the red herrings of possible killers, all stuff that went way over my head before. I also enjoyed how natural Olivia Hussey, John Saxon, and Margot Kidder's acting are in this movie. They are all totally believable. Kidder really stands out in this as the slutty sorority sister and Saxon brings a certain charm that only he can as the lead cop investigating the Sorority.

Treevenge (25 Days of Shitmas Day #4)

In between making the "Hobo with a Shotgun" Fake Trailer for the GrindHouse Movie in 2007 and the Rutger Hauer feature film a few years later director Jason Eisener made a nice wholesome Christmas short named "Treevenge".

^ Here's the Short "Treevenge" on Youtube in it's entirety.

With a runtime of just over 15 minutes Jason crams so much mayhem and sick carnage into this short that he out does most feature length gore films of the same nature. All the while finding the time to fit in a good story. "Treevenge" has been compared to early Sam Raimi and I think that's a very accurate description.
As you could probably guess from the film's title this is about the revenge of Trees and it deals with their suffering come the Christmas Season. Watching lumberjacks cut them down one by one is heartbreaking to witness and makes you pity them all the more as they are separated from their families and friends. I know it's really silly, but when you put things into perspective the Trees make a lot of sense and you can't help but root for them when they go all medieval on the people who bring them home from the christmas tree lot. Just because something is part of tradition doesn't make it right!

I never really got the whole 'let's get a tree, bring it into our house, and toss it back outside in a few weeks' tradition. My family always had a fake tree, but when I was younger there was an older lady down the block named Helen who would ask my Dad to bring her to the lot to get a tree on Christmas Eve, cause that's what her Dad use to do . . .So Weird!
I think my biggest problem with people getting live trees is, in my neighborhood, instead of waiting for the night before trash day my neighbors would toss there trees in the park where me and my friends would play football. They would rot for months as every stray cat and dog would relieve themselves on them . . . Yuck!
For many of those reasons watching this short made me chuckle a lot . . .
Yes it's wrong on so many levels, but what else would you expect from the guy who later went on to direct 'Hobo'?

So think twice before bringing a real tree home this month because this just may happen to you!

-Tom Bryce
http://www.facebook.com/ShitMovieFest

Silent Night, Deadly Night (25 Days of Shitmas Day #3)

Last Night I had a blast at the Colonial Theatre's Screening of Silent Night, Deadly Night.
Once again it was all put together by the "First Friday Fright Night Crew" Nick Lombardo, Cyanide Rush, and Joel Rickenbach. I have been going to their shows since last spring and this was by far their best show yet!
(That's saying something since they also screened "Maniac", "Pieces", and "The Fog" to name a few)

When I first heard they would be doing S.N.D.N. in December I got an idea in my head about hosting a "Mock Protest" outside the theatre the night of the screening to recreate the controversy the film stirred up when it was originally released back in November of 1984. Everybody shitted on this movie . . . Siskel and Ebert condemned the film and went so far as to read the film's production credits on air, saying "Shame, Shame" after each one!

The Parent-Teacher Association and other like minded organizations picketed outside any theatre that was playing S.N.D.N. until the manger stop playing it.
Now I don't know about you, but stuff like this only creates more interest for a movie 'imo'. If they said or did nothing the movie might have gone almost unnoticed.

Not an 'End of the Year' List!

So you've been inundated with end of the year lists like; "The Best Movies starring Captain America" or "The Worst Websites that aren't from Gawker" and you are completely sick of it. You just want to hit a blog that has photos of cats with funny hats or stupid movie trailers. And no way will the SMF site, that has only been around for a few months, do any list-type-bullshit. Those guys are cool! Well...YOU THOUGHT WRONG.

This is an 'end of the year/best of' music kinda thing. And a lot of good music came out this year. Sadly, I don't listen to music. I listen to metal. But the world of heavy rock and extreme nonsense has also produced some good tunes and solid albums, if you were paying attention.

SO here is the "Top 10 Best Metal/Rock Albums of 2011" as told by Chris_Gormley 'resident mosh pit starter and expert in all things rocktacular'. If you haven't heard of these bands (FOR SHAME!) give a click on the youtube links and enjoy the new noise. Here we go:

Santa Claws (25 Days of Shitmas Day #2)

Later tonight I am seeing "Silent Night, Deadly Night" on 35mm, which in my opinion is the best of the "Killer Santa Slashers". So today, before I go see that, I decided to take a look back at a not so well known entry in the Christmas Horror film sub-genre.

Before we start, I want you to think of the lowest budget movie you have ever seen . . .
Ok now slash that in half, add a couple gardening tools, blow up dolls, strippers, and a cheap looking santa suit and your end result may turn out looking something like "Santa Claws"!

Made in 1996 but not released on a video until 1998 and DVD till 2006, Santa Claws is definitely one of the most awkward movies that will be featured as part of "The 25 Days of Shitmas"

Jingle All The Way (25 Days of Shitmast Day #1)

When the first trailer for the U.S. Remake of "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" leaked last summer it was dubbed "The Feel-bad Movie of Christmas."
While that may be the case, there is one film I always associate with how Christmas brings the worse out of people and that film is . . .

Released as a fun family comedy in 1996, The Arnold Schwarzenegger movie "Jingle All The Way" fails in so many ways at being a family film or comedy that it makes you wonder if that is what the filmmakers were even going for in the first place!
This movie features Greed, Adultery, Stealing, Racism, Terrorist Activities, BlackMarket Santas, and abuse of a Drunk Reindeer . . . Oh and make no mistake, I love every minute of it!