Friday, December 26, 2014

The Shitmas Hangover (Shitmas Year 4's Wrap-up!)




Well another edition of Shitmas is in the bag, thanks again for everyone who took part in the festivities this year! 



Chuck Francisco

Manny Serrano of Mass Grave Pictures

Joey Gallimore of Nerd City Online

Kristy Locklin of Cradle to the Grave

Alan Brocavich of Reel Speak

Chris Roberts of the Halloween Love Blog

Gabriel Baron Resistance Pro Wrestling

Bucky Schuyler Horror Sci-fi and More

Jason Christopher from AuldFangSyne.com

Stacy Still of StayStillReviews


Jesse Bartel

Eric Martin of Guts and Grog Reviews



Alex DiVincenzo Broke Horror Fan

John Squires aka Freddy In Space

Michael Cherkowsky of VampireRobots

Kristopher Triana from The Tavern of Terror

Justin LaLiberty of ParaCinema

James "Doc Terror' Harris 


Eddie Spuhghetti of Here Lies

Richelle Charkot of the Southpawdcast

Todd Wolfson

Jay Ryan of The Sexy Armpit

Katherine Mahady

John Tatarelli Jr - Art Of John Tatarelli Jr.

Ryne Barber from  The Moon isa Dead World


Mary Bastian of BastiansBoutique

Russell Hackett


And thanks to Icon Vs. Icon for the "Box of Shitmas" Giveaway which was won by JP Wendel!

All of Your Support of this Event means the World to Me and I hope to have you all back for the Fifth Annual Shitmas!

- Tom
http://shitmoviefest.tumblr.com/ (SMF on Tumblr; Page ran by Chris Gormley)


Thursday, December 25, 2014

SILENT NIGHT, Holy Shitmas (A Shitmas Post by Haunted House Indy's Nick Mecee)


The year was 1984 and the holiday horror cult classic SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT was released upon the world (on the same day as Wes Craven’s classic A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, by the way – pretty cool seeing two franchises born on the same day).  Slammed by critics and protested by parents and Christian organizations alike, SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT would go on become a sub-genre favorite of slasher fans and aficionados.

But this post isn’t about the ’84 flick.  This is about the 2012 remake SILENT NIGHT, which rightfully dropped the DEADLY NIGHT from the title since most of the kills take place in broad daylight – which, again, I’m okay with.  So technically, the SILENT NIGHT remake is really just a loose remake with some decent subtle homages to the original series, namely the first two SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT films.

I realize there is already a SILENT NIGHT Shitmas post by Jesse Bartel, so I’ll try not to rehash anything here.  So instead of comparing and contrast the original with this re-whatever, this will be somewhat of a straight-up, stand-a-lone, review.  Sound good?  Okay, let’s go.

The film opens with an eerie holiday beat, inside a decrepit house while Christmas songs play on an old radio in the background.  We’re given glimpses of a man “preparing” for the season, decking himself out as what I can only describe as the creepiest Santa Claus ever.  All the while a bound-and-gagged woman squirms in another room.

Downstairs, in the basement, a man is tied to a chair and wrapped in Christmas lights.  The killer taunts him with an axe (an homage to the original, where the killer primarily used an axe as his weapon) before flipping a switch and electrocuting the man to death – his eyes eventually bursting (an homage to SNDN2, where a character’s eyes burst in an identical murder sequence).

And then the title card.  White letters which fade to a deep, blood, red.


Cut to the next day, where we’re introduced to our main protagonist, played by the gorgeous Jaime King, who portrays Deputy Aubrey Bradimore.  King shines in the horror genre and I’d love to see her do more stuff.

And then we meet Sheriff Cooper, played by the whacky Malcolm McDowell (famously known for his stint as Alex in Stanley Kubrick’s classic A CLOCKWORK ORANGE).  I want to say that I liked his character, but it came across as a replay of his Dr. Loomis character in the Rob Zombie-directed HALLOWEEN movies, especially HALLOWEEN II.  It’s almost as if McDowell was still in Loomis mode when he filmed SILENT NIGHT, even though there’s a three year gap between the roles.

As seems to be the norm in slasher movies, the killer is using inventive ways to kill people on Christmas Eve – all the while, Cooper and Bradimore are hunting down the lunatic.  The only lead they have to go in is that the killer was dressed as Santa Claus.  But in their small little town, that proves to be a tougher assignment than usual, as seemingly everyone is dressed as jolly ole St. Nick.

And that how we meet Santa Jim, played by the hilarious Donal Logue.  Although, this is one of the first roles I can’t think of where Logue takes sort of a dark turn (remember, I only ever really knew him from TV’s GROUNDED FOR LIFE).  Logue plays a Santa who wouldn’t exactly find himself on the Nice list.  Get my drift?

But like all the town’s Santas, Santa Jim is but yet another red herring.

Filling the gap between the opening scene and the third act are those broad daylight kills I spoke of earlier.  A few that stand out are a pornographer and his assistant being slaughtered in a hotel room and another being a continuation of that scene.  The porn subject escapes only to be tracked down in a Christmas tree farm, where she finds herself being shoved into a wood chipper.  Not too shabby for the daytime.

Another town Santa reveals a little backstory regarding another Santa from the town’s past – one who went berserk with a flame thrower.  And, thus, it is revealed that our current killer Santa is the son of the previous killer Santa.

And the whodunit mystery is over, if there ever was one.

The film climaxes in the police department, where the killer unleashes all-out war on the remaining officers and staff.  Yes, this includes bringing back his father’s trademark flame thrower.

And no slasher movie would be complete without an open ending.  Despite being believed dead in the fiery conclusion, we are shown the killer, as an everyday town’s folk, still very much alive.

Now for a few things to get off my chest.  Yes, I was a little disappointed that this remake didn’t follow the original’s story of Billy, a boy tormented by Christmas all his life, until one Christmas Eve he snaps.  But, you know, that’s okay.  The original, for being what it is, is a charming little holiday horror flick – and I’m actually pretty happy that SILENT NIGHT didn’t follow that route.

Instead, we got an “original” slasher with some pretty cool homages to the original (like the deer antler kill).

So that’s SILENT NIGHT.  A modern psycho Santa movie with a moderate budget and a respectable cast.  Is it a cinematic masterpiece?  No, not by any means.  But it does hold true to the true meaning of Shitmas.

Merry Shitmas, everyone!

Nick Meece
[www][@nickmeece]

‘Twas the Night Before The Walking Dead Christmas (A Shitmas Poem by Russell Hackett!)


‘Twas the Night Before The Walking Dead Christmas
By Russell Hackett

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the safe house 
Not a Walker was stirring, not even a louse. 
Dingy backpacks hung, drying in the cold Atlanta air
Knowing that soon, full morning would be there

Our heroes gathered ‘round a fire so trite
With visions of Washington, dancing in their sight
Now with poor Bob and Beth all laid to rest
What is left of the crew would make do with their best

Suddenly outside a shake, crack and tumble,
Rick sprang into action to inspect the unearthly rumble
Towards the wooden barriers he darted with fright
However, through tiny slits, he saw a rare sight

It was not possible, only a dream
None would believe, or though it did seem
For out in the night, on blood-stained streets
Was the sight of all sights, on ice lying in sheets

Not to be mistaken, ‘twas a fat walker in red
Leading a sleigh of nine reindeer, all tied and long dead
In the back of the wagon was a bag up for keeps
Bursting at the seams, its fill was so deep

With a rallying of troops, overheard was this call:

"Now Maggie! Now Michonne!
Now, Tyreese and Daryl Dixon!
On, Glenn! On, Sasha!
Wake the hell up and listen!
On, down the hall!
Prepare arms, to the wall!

With footfalls so light
They tiptoed through the night
Not a sound was made, nor a single word said
For soon, it came, the jolly fat man did lose his head

The bag was brought home and the door sealed with might
All sat around, stomachs churning with delight
Many wrapped packages they all spilled out
Each with a name, inscribed boldly about
A note slipped free
With a list for all to see:

For you, fair Judith, a pacifier, to keep quieter
Master Carl, a lifter for height, so you will feel right.
To Rick, the bold, new bullets for that pistol you so dearly hold
To the wise Eugene, ‘tis a Flowbee I bring.
To Carol, the meek, the peace of mind you do seek
To Tyreese, of moral laws, a new set of balls
To Abraham, the strong, a brain to tote along
To Michonne, the brave, a new set of slaves
Rosita, the loose, a cushion to rest your caboose
And to Daryl, the slick, processed squirrels to keep from getting sick

The note ended with a signature scrawl
Prefaced with words of sweet tidings to all,
To stay warm and sleep tight
May you live to see another night!


Jolly Old St. Nick




(Terry Lea through www.flickr.com)

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

‘Christmas with The Joker’ - Batman: The Animated Series (A Shitmas Post from Mary Bastian)


‘Christmas with The Joker’ - Batman: The Animated Series
Written By: Mary Bastian


So I was 17 years old when this TV show came out in 1992.  A senior in high school and still on my Batman high from 3 years earlier, when Tim Burton’s Batman movie was released.  I really loved the style of animation used for the show the instant I first watched it.  I think it still holds up today.  Although I have had conversations with friends who feel the animation is pretty shotty in this episode particularly.  I would have to respectfully disagree.  I really dig the backgrounds used & love how crisp & colorful the main characters are.
This episode takes place on Christmas Eve & all Robin wants to do is stay home and watch It’s a Wonderful Life with Batman.  An un-jolly Batman is unaware that the Joker has escaped Arkham Asylum, but wants to patrol Gotham in ensure all citizens are safe, instead of staying home.  The beginning of the episode also opens with the now well-known Christmas song, “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg…. The Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away!”


Meanwhile the Joker hijacks a tv station to air his special, ‘1st Annual Christmas with the Joker’. As much as he wants the masses of people to watch him, he really is addressing Batman directly in this live broadcast.  Batman receives the Jokers signal in the Bat Cave, and off they go to find the Joker. Unaware he is holding the Lawful family hostage at the tv studio.  Joker threatens to blow up President Bridge at midnight, where a passenger train is set to cross at 11:30 pm and Mommy Lawful’s mom is on the train.   I think this episode in particular was important in fleshing out Robin’s character.  He is in many episodes of this series, but in this episode he steps up to help stop the train in time, dodges shots fired from a cannon, fights off machine gun wielding toys all while always having Batman’s back & proves to be much more of a sidekick than thought of previously.


Their search to find the Joker leads them to the Laffco Toy Company which has gone out of business & is in an abandoned warehouse.  While the Nutcracker theme music plays in the background, Batman and Robin have to fight off giant toy soldiers that are coming for them.  I must admit I find this scene funny.  Watching Robin take them down with toy airplanes and Batman take them down with a baseball bat is comical to me.  Also watching Batman get a pie in the face when presented with a gift from the Joker is amusing.  Jokers laugh is so menacing in this episode and you get to see the very dark side of the Jokers personality.


The episode concludes with Batman & Robin freeing the hostages & Joker assisting in his own take down by tripping over a skate and falling right into the vat of boiling liquid.  Batman has once again kept Gotham safe under his watch and retires for the night back at Wayne Manor watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Robin. All while Joker is in a strait jacket back in the Asylum.  One thing that I really love about this episode, besides the Betty Blooper doll stomping a cardboard Gotham like Godzilla taking over Tokyo, is the music.  It is very reminiscent of a Danny Elfman score.  There are serious moments where the music becomes very dark & doom like but then other moments its light and airy.  I much prefer an actual score over bad studio manufactured music. But the music hands down makes this episode for me.  Gives me a very comforting feeling.
This is definitely a fun Christmas themed show to watch, especially during December.  I recommend between viewing Die Hard, Home Alone, Silent Night Deadly Night, you give this a go.

- Mary Bastian
Bastian's Boutique

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A Very Merry Cricket (A Shitmas Post from Last Blog On Dead End Street's Thomas Kingsmill)


When I finally sat down to watch A Very Merry Cricket, I had no idea that it was the sequel to an earlier cartoon, A Cricket in Times Square(also based on a book). So I was quite confused as to why a good half of Cricket Christmas is about a cat & mouse reminiscing about the Cricket, and trying to find him, all intertwined with flashbacks. SOme Google research after my initial viewing cleared all this up(there's even a third cartoon, Yankee Doodle Cricket, which i've yet to watch).

In the middle of Times Square, and the busiest shopping season of the year, best friends Tucker the Mouse and Harry the Cat(MASS HYSTERIA) are upset that the world seems to have lost the true sprit of Christmas. They decide that the only thing that will remind mankind what Christmas is all about, is local quasi-celebrity Chester C. Cricket. A Cricket who can mimic any piece of music he hears. Apparently in the first cartoon, Chester saved a train station magazine stand that was going broke with his music prowess.
Tucker & Harry train up to Connecticut, where Chester lives. The best part of the trip is the mangy alley cat who keeps trying to eat Tucker(or take him home to the wife and kids for them to eat).
They get Chester back to Times Square, with the hopes that maybe this one cricket can remind everyone what Christmas is all about. Somehow.


I can't be too harsh for the thin-as-paper plot, since this is a kids cartoon from '73, based on a kids book from the '60s, because it IS meant for kids. Plus the message about the Holiday is just as poignant now as it was in '73(unless you're the religious type, then the lack of Jesus may annoy you).
The main reasons to watch this special, for me at least, is the gorgeous animation by the great Chuck Jones, and Mel Blanc doing an off-brand Bugs Bunny voice for Tucker the mouse.

Included is the YouTube link to the whole cartoon, which I highly recommend giving a watch. Even better if you have kids. Mix it with viewings of Rudolph and Peanuts, which I feel that A Very Merry Cricket could stand beside today, all for it's simple message.


- Tom Kingsmill
Last Blog On Dead End Street

Monday, December 22, 2014

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (A Shitmas Post from The Moon is a Dead World's Ryne Barber!)



Let me just start off by saying that I consider my review of Bikini Bloodbath Christmas my Christmas gift to you. Now you don’t have to watch it yourself, because I’m going to dash any hope of enjoyment you think you’ll get from watching some mostly nude, relatively unknown porn stars prance around a house decorated for the yuletide season. Sure, Debbie Rochon gets a really quick part in this, as well as a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman; but I’m convinced that by now, both of them will do anything to get in a film nowadays.

Midnight Confessions Ep. 42: "It's a Wonderful Podcast"


Tis the season and the M.C. crew are feeling the Christmas spirit. This week we review [or re-review in my case] SANTA'S SLAY (2005) and THE DAY OF THE BEAST(1995). Plus the Top 5 Xmas movies [non-horror] of all time. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!




Top 5 [non-horror] Xmas Movies
1. A Christmas Story (1983)
2. Die Hard (1988)
3. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vactation (1989)
4. Bad Santa (2003)
5. (tie) Scrooged (1988) / Home Alone (1990)