Sunday, June 14, 2015

Dino Horrors - Carnosaur 3: Primal Species

Carnosaur 3: Primal Species is so bad it's actually difficult to review. The entire film is a jumbled mess of poorly written action cliches, illogical characters, goofy puppet effects and indescribably bad acting. The pace of the film is insane, making the overall plot and action completely confusing. Characters scream at rubber dinosaurs, get trapped under cardboard boxes, pretend to arm wrestle and react to danger like kids riding a rollercoaster (hands in the air and SCREAM).

Every single actor understands that they're in a Carnosaur film, and they seem to love every minute of it. I don't think 10 minutes go by without a prehistoric dino-muppet ripping someone's face off. You will never lose interest in Carnosaur 3 even though you won't take the movie seriously. Watching Primal Species is like hitting the fast forward button on all of the previous Carnosaur films, pausing only for hilarious one-liners and out of focus dinosaur attacks.

Come to think of it, Carnosaur 3 is a pretty brilliant film.

Instead of reviewing Carnosaur 3, I would like to share 10 things that I learned while watching the film. All you need to know about the plot is that US Army Special Forces are called to a harbor in Los Angeles. They're looking for top secret cargo stolen by terrorists. The crack team of soldiers consult a shady and somewhat bitchy military scientist. They're told that the secret cargo are genetically modified raptors and a head ripping T-Rex. Our heroes spend the rest of the movie in the bowels of a ship trying to kill these creatures while discovering that the T-Rex is (of course) pregnant.


Friday, June 12, 2015

Dino Horrors - G.I. War Tales #1 (Comic Book)

DC's G.I. War Tales was a short lived reprint of their 1960s Star-Spangled War Stories. Only four issues were published in 1973. I guess 70s kids were more interested in star children and robot shenanigans than hard nosed G.I.s bazooka blasting man-eating Theropods. Their loss. I only own the first issue, but it seems not all of these stories were dinosaur related, and therefore not worth my time.

I discovered this comic in my wife's insanely random, but beautifully bizarre comic book collection about 5 or 6 years ago. It sat alongside The Maxx comics and a Pope John Paul II comic Marvel released back in the early 90s. Yes, I did check if the Pope comic was worth money, it is not.


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Dino Horrors - Planet of Dinosaurs

The poster for Planet of Dinosaurs wants you to believe the movie is Star Wars with dinosaurs. The film is actually a cheap 70s drive-in exploitation film that could have been a children's matinee feature if it didn't look so much like a porno. Surprisingly, the stop motion dino-action is pretty good, and when the claymation lizards start picking off our subpar space explorers things get pretty brutal. I laughed a lot at this movie, but I yawned a lot too. I should have been drunk. I always should be drunk while watching this stuff.



Wednesday, June 10, 2015

(ICYMI) My Dream "Drive-In Double Feature" for CameraViscera.com!


ICYMI it earlier this week I wrote a post over at my friend Joey Gallimore's Blog CameraViscera.com for a feature he came up with asking people to share what their Dream "Drive-In Double Feature" would be!

As you can see from the poster above (that Icon Vs. Icon whipped up for me) what my two choices were, but please check out the post right HERE to read why and also be sure to check out some other interesting choices in this LINK!

Tom

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Dino Horrors - The Valley of Gwangi

With the imminent release of the gleefully stupid dinosaur porn-fest known as Jurassic World I decided to dive into the weirder, more obscure selections of the sci fi sub-genre known as "Dinosaurs Run Amok". I'm calling these posts Dino Horrors (which should be sung like the chorus from the early 90s cartoon Dinosaucers).

On this first installment I would like to spotlight the Ray Harryhausen classic and Jurassic Park predecessor, The Valley of Gwangi; an old fashion movie with a crazy concept.


Monday, June 1, 2015

Against the Grain (New Album "Road Warriors" hits July 31st on Self-Destructo!)

The following is a press release from Clint Weiler:

The Motor City madmen blur the lines of punk, rock, doom and thrash, 
for their 4th full length on Self-Destructo Records
 
Living up to the title of their newest record, Against the Grain have proven themselves to be true warriors of the road. Blazing through the US with their brand of gear-shifting balls-to-the-wall music that incorporates all things heavy, ATG defies categorization as they seamlessly blur the lines of punk, rock, doom and thrash.

ATG's heavily anticipated 4th full-length entitled 
Road Warriors is set to release on July 31st on Self-Destructo, and is primed to stake the claim for this Motor City combo's place in the world of all things rock and roll.

With the release of their first self-titled full-length in 2009, ATG was an immediate hit garnering an intensive local fanbase playing 50 shows throughout Michigan. With their intense live show and energized fanbase they were introduced to touring life by Hellmouth and The Meatmen, and began their transformation into a fully-functioning road act. The boys in ATG have yet to look back. 

Friday, May 29, 2015

8 Killer Horror Themed Metal Bands


Horror films and metal music are like peanut butter and ice cream; two great things that go great together...and should be used to get your dog to lick your balls. Ever since Black Sabbath named themselves after a Mario Bava movie the connection between horror and metal has been undeniable. The great death metal bands conjure horror movie gore with their lyrics, and hundreds of underground acts blatantly steal horror poster imagery for their flyers and promotional material.

Below are some lesser known, but FUCKING BRUTAL bands that make horror films their religion. Most are of the extreme variety so sorry...no clean singing allowed. Enjoy.